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ABOUT ME:
Home to a half Mexican who now lives in Silverdale, WA and who supports the Hawks, Sonics and Mariners along with the alma mater (WSU). I also post wacky links, pictures of insanely hot women and what have you (if you don't want to read my ramblings), so enjoy.


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Tuesday, September 02, 2003
THIS IS MY LIFE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA

Al Snow helped Coach defeat Jerry Lawler. They are now heels. They will host Heat as heel announcers. This is officially the greatest thing in professional wrestling today. :)

In other news, hi, hello, how are you? Welcome to today's "fatty-ass" update, as my co-worker would say. I've got a lot to write about, so as Mills Lane would say "LET'S GET IT ON!"

CHAPTER 1 - WEDNESDAY:



"Scientists have proven that a little beer is good for you. Tonight I'm gonna try overdosing in an attempt to gain super-human powers...who wants to be my sidekick?"
-Dave, on binge drinking

Or party day. I had the day off, so I was running around buying alcohol (Bacardi Limon and Jose Cuervo), mixers and other items of note, including a disposable camera ("Hey, do you remember when you did that thing with that donkey? Wanna see it?") a lantern and a tent, since we could camp out.

My supervisor lives over in Seabeck (which is waaaaaay the fuck out there) and it took over 45 minutes to get there. Surprisingly, I did not get lost, which is easy to do out there in the woods.

As soon as I get there, I hear the band going and people are walking around and having a good time. I break out the liquor and the camera and the mixers and hoof it in. Not even five minutes after I get there and greet my boss and some of his friends, this girl I work with came racing over, nearly knocked me over and screamed out loud "Johnny B! It's I'm so glad you're here!"

Backstory:

Her name is Dianne. She's 19 and she's a sophomore in college. And she has a crush on me. ME. She's been bugging me for a while now with "When are we going to hang out?" and "Why don't you hang out with me?" I thought she was being cute, or just messin' with me. That was not the case.

Back to the party as she is allllll over me. She is hammered (and as I later found out, high on weed which she tried for the first time) and she keeps saying "Why didn't you get with me? I've been trying to hook up with up for a month now. Why didn't you holler?"

Why? Probably because I'm a FUCKING MORON. That and the fact that I haven't been hit on for so long I've totally forgotten what the signs are. God I'm so lame.

So I'm trying to mend fences with her and she's feelin' it, but it's still tough. There was even kissing here and there (OMG THE SEXUAL TENSION IS RISING) and I'm trying to "lay my pimp game down" but Lord, it's sure hard when she's running around hugging everyone and messing with the band. So her boyfriend, embarassed by her actions, takes her and leaves. Damn. Instead of getting pissed off, I simply say "Fuck it," and proceed to get totally hammered.

Aside: OMG SHANE'S BALLS GET ELECTROCUTED. WTF WTF WTF. *ahem*

And I do mean hammered. Alcohol was drunk, weed was smoked (some good shit from Mexico. Muy bueno.) and food was ate. I wasn't too crazy about buying the tequila, but after an hour, my boss' brother and his friend had downed half the bottle. I snuck in and did a shot (fuck a chaser) but they finished the bottle an hour later. It didn't take long to finish off the other bottles of liquor my boss's girl had bought, along with the kegs, the cooler of beer AND all the food they had barbequed and whatever was in their fridge (with me grabbing their tortillas at 3 a.m.... just cause I was hungry.)

But it was a blast. We listened to the band and it was the first time they had performed in front of people, so they were OK. I did yell out "FREEBIRD~!" Man, that joke will never get old. Never. One girl I worked with (Jess) was so high, she could barely stand. I was surprised she could hold a cup in her hand. About 1:30 we had a bonfire going and s'mores were made. Mmmmmmm, s'mores when you're drunk. So good.

One of my other co-workers (Rich) was getting hit on by one of my boss's gay friends, but he wasn't biting. Damnit, no pictures. Some of us tried to hit on this 18 year old who had her name tattoed on her waist. "Becky Ray," I think it was. Very handy, especially when you're drunk and can't remember your own name. "I think I have my name on my underwear -- oh, wait. These aren't mine." She had a boyfriend as well and when he showed up she was ghost. Bah.

Suddenly, Dianne showed up and the game is back on. But wait, we've got a new development: She tells me that he told her that he's dating someone else. Here's the cherry on top of this whole situation: HE'S 35 FUCKING YEARS OLD.

I'll give you a minute to wrap you're head around this.

"Hey, it's okay if she's like 15...the rule is you just round up."
-Grant, providing words of wisdom

Got it? Good.

Unforutnately, she leaves for good an hour later. (double damn!) Rich and Jess get into a fight (I missed it 'cause I was trying to set up my tent, but it's pretty hard when you're faded. I had to have Britt (my super) help me set it up) and she ended up crying on the porch and eventually driving home, a very very VERY stupid thing to do. Apparently the beef is: She likes him, he doesn't like her, they fucked, he treats her like crap and they can't stop fighting at work. Britt had to tell them yesterday to go home and I wouldn't doubt it if they got fired soon. It's an ugly situation and something that I don't wanna wish on no one.

I passed out at 4:30 in my tent, 'cause I was dog tired. Next thing I know, it's a quarter to eight and everyone is in their tent winding down and eventually falling asleep. I can't get comfortable so I end up breaking down the tent and bouncing out there. Get home at 9:30, take a shit, get a drink of water and promptly run back into the bathroom to puke. Ugh.

I try to clean up and I eventually fall asleep in my bed at 10 a.m.

CHAPTER 2 - THURSDAY:

SUCKED. My stomach was fucked up and I had to close the golf cart that night, so it was not good times. At all. I tried eating a burger, but that was just stupid and sent my stomach spiraling downward into the levels of hell.

And I tell you what: There's nothing like trying to throw up in a Honey Bucket at 3:30 in the morning and getting nothing but dry heaves. Lovely. I recommend everyone try this at least once.

I wanted to talk to Dianne, but she had to go to the hospital for a family emergency. Thankfully it was because she had to take a friend to the hospital because her grandfather was taken there.

Thank God for Smackdown. EDDY~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHAPTER 3 - FRIDAY:



I get a call from my friend Jolene, who is going with me to the game on Saturday. She makes jokes about me not coming to dinner with her, then drops the bomb: "I'm pregnant. And it's YO baby!"

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN

No, I kid. Apparently she got fired from her job at the YMCA where she works as a child counselor. This is the third time in 6 months, but she feels she has a case for wrongful termination, and I'm not sure if she does or not. What she told me was, she went on a date (not with me) and had a really good time. She went to work and apparently said some choice things to some co-workers and gotten called into the office for a talk with her supervisor, who talked about her making these suggestive comments to the counselors and that she had read another counselor's journal (by accident, my friend said) and that the comments made to the girls (who are teenagers) and were bothered by the comments (even though Jolene said in the report that she e-mailed to me they had talked to her about their relationships and she figured it as "innocent girl talk.)

Here's the interesting part:

I received the second warning notice for the alleged incident on August 26, 2003, it was dated August 25, 2003. The event in question took place two weeks before and the alleged conversation between the CITs and Ms. Davis took place the week before the meeting, approximately August 22 - 23, 2003. I again was given the opportunity to write my opinion, however I chose to state that I was sorry for my actions.

So apparently they didn't talk to her about this until Friday at this meeting. Kinda shady, eh? I know she makes dumb comments all the time (the girl has no shame in letting everyone know what she thinks) but I would think that the girls wouldn't have taken offense to the statements.

Ms. Davis then mentioned the second warning notice for comments of a sexual nature made in front of the same CIT (Vanessa) and another camp CIT (Lynn C. Woodward). She stated that the previous week at the Cispus campout, both CITs had sought her out, stating that they absolutely had to talk to her. She finally got a chance to talk to them as they were leaving the camp. She stated that they told her about my making sexual comments about an evening I had with a gentleman. The comment she used was, "I was so horny before last night, but now I'm so happy, I'm just glowing, can't you see it? I'm glowing, it was so awesome." In my opinion I had made these comments while not in the presence of the YMCA campers, but in front of staff (*there was a memo given to all camp staff to treat the CITs like they were fellow staff members instead of like the children we were supposed to actually care for.)
Ms. Davis then said that these comments severely disturbed the girls and that she needed to call their parents about this, she reiterated that this was a serious issue and that she has to call the CITs parents because of my actions. I then stated that I was very sorry for this, but that I had not much experience in talking to teenagers and that my assumption was that this was a break period and was “innocent girl talk� because both girls had previously talked to me about their relationships.

There ya go. I think she might have a case, but still: ya gotta watch what you say around your co-workers mang. You never know who will take offense *BEEP*

Hang on, I got another call. Oh hey, it's my boy Keith. Hey, aren't you supposed to be back at school right now?

"I've been in jail for two weeks."

WHAAAAAAAAAAA

Here's HIS story which he informed me in detail earlier tonight: He got into a fight with his younger brother 'cause his brother felt that he was being lazy and didn't want to work. Not including the fact that Keith was home ON VACATION FROM COLLEGE, but this guy is lazier than Nash so who the fuck is he to be talking about working?

Well, shit got heated and his brother advanced on him so Keith pulled a knife out on him and said "Don't touch me!!" To which his brother responded "ACK HE'S GOT A KNIFE" and ran out of the house. Keith gets into his car and drives off. Eventually FOUR Kitsap County sherriffs pulled him over, drew their guns and arrested him because their mom called the police and said that Keith had stabbed him and he has "an anger problem."

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

So my friend gets hauled down to the station, booked as assault 1 with a deadly weapon and is transferred to Detenion Center B, (or the "Shark Tank" as the inmates called it) at the new jail in Port Orchard. The reason they call it the Shark Tank? That's where the murderers, rapists and the other criminals who have comitted major crimes are locked up.

A funny note: Apparently the inmates have a saying: "Kidnap (Kitsap) County: Come here on vacation, leave on probation." Hysterical.

For TWO WEEKS my friend was locked up. It wasn't until his dad came with $1000 and the deed to his house that he was bailed out. Originally the bail was $15,000.

After this I realized that I have no right to complain about the minor shit that happens to me. Feeling like my job is screwing me over? Please. Angry at my parents 'cause they ask me to do shit around the house? Fuck you. You could go through THIS when he had to withdraw from his school, lose his job and face the possibility of life in jail. All 'cause your trick-ass brother and bitch-ass mother decide to call the cops on you when you've gotten nothing worse than a traffic ticket in your life and you're a quiet guy trying to get an education.

Thankfully the charge was lowered to assault 2, but he's still looking at some jail time. They wanted him to cop a plea and they would give him two to five months, but he knows he didn't do anything wrong so he's going to fight it. His court date is on the 16th and he's got to call his lawyer tomorrow, so hopefully everything goes well for him. I can't believe he's got to go through this shit. This makes this pic look like a joke.

Still funny though. The pic I mean. Not what happened today.

CHAPTER 4 - SATURDAY:

College football gameday. What a glorious day indeed.

I had to run around before the game and pick up a new WSU shirt (my other one is in the laundry) and get some cash and some reading material (the new XXL and the new Revolver mag will do.) I make it to the ferry but I have to park in the garage (oh the irony) since the Blackberry Festival is happening and parking around the ferry terminal is taken up by booths.

I walk to the ferry and there are a LOT of people with Cougar gear on. Kinda freaked me out for a minute, but hey, I'm in good company. I get there about 6:30 and head to Seahawks Stadium, avoiding the bums and cars along the way. Walking around, looking for the will call window -- MAN there are some fine ass women walking around not wearing much. Good God. :)

Finally, I find will call and get the tickets. Then I wait for Jolene. And realize: How am I going to find her among all these people? Thankfully she shows up, we get inside and find our seats.

Synopsis of the evening:

-Seahawks Stadium is niiiiiiiice. Gates, you know the deal, but for the rest of y'all, it is a very nice place to watch a game. Great view of the skyline, great view of the field, just great. Concession stand prices suck, though.

-As I'm getting a drink: Whoever drug the cat out of whatever dumpster in some godawful alley and shoved them in front of 50,000 to sing the National Anthem should be shot. Holy God it was awful.

-If you haven't experienced your team coming out of the tunnel with the smoke and the band playing and the crowd popping like Austin is in the stadium and the announcer screaming "HERE COME THE COOOOOUUUUUUUUGGGGGAAAAAARS!!!!" and you haven't gotten goosebumps, then I don't need to know you. Everyone should attend at least ONE college football game in their lifetime. This should be a law somewhere. /Sports Guy.

As for the game, not bad. Kegel was decent but couldn't hit a WR for most of the first half, Jonathan Smith came out of nowhere and ran all over Idaho, the D was strong and they've got this guy who is 6-8 and primarily in to block FGs. He did it TWICE. Awesome.

Did I mention there were some hot-ass women there? Good GOD. Unfortunately Jolene had to talk a mile a minute (I think she could put Ivory to shame. And that's saying something. Ugh, Jolene and Ivory having a coversation. Scary. But I digress.) and ask a lot of questions about football. "And I COVERED a football team for three months! But they sucked! And the really good players were screwups! They would be drunk or high or..." Yeeeeah. She also made rude comments to the people sitting in front of us about our punter Kyle Basler ("He's a good guy but dumb as a rock!") and some other things that I can't remember, but I was shaking my head over. I dig her a lot, but man she really frustrates me sometimes.

The 4th quarter comes and we've got the lead so we walk around to see if we can find people we went to school with, but no luck. I eventually had to leave so I could catch the ferry, but they delayed it so everyone could catch it. I get my car at 12:30 and drive out to the casino so I could talk to Dianne, since she was covering for a friend of hers who had called me and wanted me to cover today's shift. As I pulled up, guess who she was talking to? Yep: her man. Hmmmmmmm....

She was OK, but really embarassed about the way she acted. I told her it was cool, and I wasn't trippin' over it. She did say that she was seeing Shawn, but I was still in the picture. I said that's fine and asked if she wanted to hang out on Sunday. No, she's going to a M's game, but we'll find sometime to hang out before she leaves for Central Washington U on the 15th. Cool by me.

I said goodbye, went home, ate and defeated #18 Notre Dame 31-13 in NCAA 2004. 12 sacks, an INT returned for a touchdown and I allowed 113 yds in total offense. *dances*

CHAPTER 5 - SUNDAY:

I had to close at 8, so I waltzed in at 7:45. Britt said if I wanted to go home, I could since Rich was chillin' in the booth. We've got two elevators working now "and I don't see the point of having the golf carts around. It's a joke."

Still, I stayed since it's the last day on the pay period. Ended up making over $20 in tips, so it was benificial to me. It also helps to play on people's confusion over the elevators (that and the fact that the elevators get stuck occasionally, and no one wants to go through that.)

But we were busy, and I was surprised. Thank you Labor Day weekend.

The big shit happened later that night. Here's the breakdown:

About 11:00 two black guys come out, bitching that they got kicked out. One of the SAFE Security guards (the hired help) knew one of them from junior high, so he smoothed things out and they walked to their car. Not five seconds later another black guy shows up and shows the SAFE guy some piece of paper (which I found out later was a citation for giving alcohol to a minor. DUMBASS.) He leaves and all is quiet.

Five minutes later, this white guy in his fifties shows up.

"Did you hear about the assault?" he said.

"The assault?" I said.

"Yeah. On the fourth floor."

Uhhhhhhhh........

"When did it happen?"

"Just now."

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......

"I haven't heard anything out here." He leaves and I run in to ask the temps if they've heard anything. Nope, but we better look. So we scour the garage. Nothing. Get back to the entrance and apparently there's been an assault at the Masi Shop (where customers and employees used to park and they still park us on the weekends.)

The situation goes: Saturday night there were prowlers casing the lot (2 Mexicans and a Black guy.) They didn't catch them, but apparently they came back on Sunday night. The security guard approached one of them and asked him if he needed help. The guy responded by throwing him into a trailer hitch ribs first and socking him in the back of the head. He bounced.

Luckily Nettles (the guy who was switched to outside security swing shift) parked his car at the casino, 'cause he raced out of the lot, ran the red light and got there in under a minute. The shuttle driver was there (she found him first) the SPD was there (Officer Tom showed up in 3 minutes; he was out with County on another call) along with Poulsbo, Bainbridge, County AND a fire engine and a ambulance. 8 cop cars were there surrounding the lot, and they had a K-9 dog who followed the scent up to the Suquamish Tribal Center up the road, but lost it.

They took the guard to the hospital and when the security came back, one of the black guys who fit the description of the prowlers was in the bar. When Tom went to approach him, he walked out the door, along with the other two black guys...and two guys who looked Hispanic.

Even though the SAFE guy warned them they would probably get questioned, he still gave the cops shit. "I should have to go through this! I better get some free shit outta this! I was here all night!"

Son, one of their guards got hit. You fit the description. When you got questioned by SPD, you walked away. The temp warned your ass. I don't like racial profiling one bit, but you don't help your case when you get a fucking attitude. Help them out, don't be confrontative and you'll get out of trouble. That goes for everyone; cops aren't going to be cool if you give them shit.

Eventually they were let go. The fucked up thing about it is, when Britt, myself and JJ found out who got knocked, we didn't care. The guy is 18, his name's John (FUCK MY NAME UP WILL YOU) and he's a damn nerd. He called Britt a fuckface in jest and told JJ once "Hey bitch, there's a car out there. Go get it." Plus, he's been coming on strong to some girls in the buffet line and scaring the crap out of them, especially when they tell him they have boyfriends and he STILL won't stop.

Maybe this will straighten him out, but I don't know. I've never been attacked at a job in my life, but this could fuck him up. We shall see. I doubt he'll get fired though. Another one (Justin) got canned when him and Nettles raced off site to try and save some drunk driver's life when he wrapped his car around a telephone pole doing 85. What makes us mad was the fact that they considered it the last straw (he's been written up for a lot of stupid shit, my write-up factored into the equation.) Yes, he was an asshole 18 year old punk, but even then he didn't deserve to get fired.

Jesus, what kind of a place do I work at?

CHAPTER 6 - MONDAY:

I write this. It's 5 a.m. This is mi vida loca. Whooooo....

RAW was pretty good. They cut out most of the crap, they furthered some storylines and it was all good. Coach coming down the ramp in a Texas jersey. Brillance.

Quick, some links!

-www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com

-COP PONG!

-Drunken Jenga. Holy cow.

I will go to sleep now. Until next time, don't pass up this street sign:



This is the golf cart Jedi/crashin' parties and scorin' with the ladies/Don't forget/Rob T is single too/AND he's got a catchphrase!

"This herre EWOKANOMICS~! NUB LIFE~!"

*taps spear*

etch-a-sketched by john at 5:12 AM